I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
