Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This gyro tastes like lonliness
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You can't just leave with hair like that
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize