I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
