You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
