If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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