she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
