you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
