omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
