The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
