You made me cry and you don't even care
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize