She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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