garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my shit smells like andre
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
