i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
