Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
