i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
