I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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