wrigley field is MILF paradise
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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