I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
