You're my little dorito
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
