We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
