i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
