just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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