I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize