I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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