Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
