Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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