his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize