FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
