he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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