She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
