Me. At least after what I've been through.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
