I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
