I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
