i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
