come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
