I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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