she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
