i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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