I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
