____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
