plz talk dirty to me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
