I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
how drunk are you?
Several
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
