i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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