im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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