I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
