I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Ladies don't puke and tell
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
