just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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