just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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