Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
