I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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