dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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