I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
