I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
