So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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