my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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