Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
