yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
my liver is dry heaving
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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