how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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