The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
