White coat. Heels.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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