question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
