Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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