a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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