sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
