I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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