May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
