I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
