I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
