ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
