i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
