ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think my vagina is haunted
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just invented taco cereal.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
