I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
