you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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