I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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