I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im having a threesome with these popsicles
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
