Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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