just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
