My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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