corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
