; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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