Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
