How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
