you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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