He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
