y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
