Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
