You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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