all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
