I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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