You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
