Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I looked at my own cervix.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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