Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
