his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
