my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
