I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
