You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We are two peas in an std pod
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
