i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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