That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I could make wine with my vomit
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
