So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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