Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
