just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
