dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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