I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's shark week go big or go home
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
