I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
