I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
