Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
