he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you had me at cake vodka
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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