no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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