She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I need a burrito and a hug.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
