Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I bet he comes in French.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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