A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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