you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
